GHOSTING

Photo from Unsplash 

Welcome to Limitless! 

Today, we are talking about GHOSTING- the ultimate bad behavior! I talked a bit on this in the ‘Spotting Red Flags’ post. 

 

The first question we should really ask is why do people ghost? Well, from what I’ve seen and heard, people ghost for a number of reasons. 

But, HOLD UP, what exactly does “ghosting” mean? 

Ghosting, in the context of this blogpost, is a situation where someone disappears, from a relationship or talking stage, with no explanation. 

So, imagine you’ve been talking to someone and you start to think, ‘I think this person is a good match, we could work’. All of a sudden, the person disappears for a month without any form of explanation. Some even block you but lie that they just went offline. Oops, did I reveal a secret?👀🤣

Okay, now that you get the gist. Let’s get back to why people ghost. 

1. They have a communication problem

This set of people are one of a kind. Instead of talking about what is wrong, they think it’s better to just disappear on you without an explanation. 

Some of them use the excuse of “I’m tired of the relationship” or “I’m tired of talking to him” to stay away without an explanation. 

Besides, it’s in the past that people used to believe “they will miss and love you more if you ghost them”. If you are like this, better perish that idea now. 

The truth is that she will eventually get tired and annoyed. 

The first time you do it, she might miss you a lot, and keep trying to call you. When you guys finally get to meet/ talk again, she tells you how much she missed you, your head starts swelling, and you think, ‘hm, maybe I should try this again’. Trust me, while you are away, a brother is already giving her all the attention she wants. If not, she is now focusing on herself!  *This example is not gender-specific!*

2. They feel overwhelmed 

Some people actually go through phases where they think what they have is too good to be true, so, they run. I understand how this set of people feel though. Maybe you’ve had bad experiences and someone is showing you a whole new dimension, and you are like ‘what is thisssss??!’

Don’t worry, I get it. But, is running going to change anything? For how long will you keep running?

3. They see nothing wrong with it

They don’t see why they should inform you about being absent or away. This reason could be valid too. Maybe this person doesn’t know what accountability in a prospective or actual relationship is, or has never been in one before. 

This is why you should not just jump into conclusions or overreact the first time someone ghosts you. 

The truth is they might simply not know that what they are doing is wrong or is hurting you. That’s why you have to talk to them about it when they are ‘back’. Tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and you wouldn’t want to be in that situation anymore. Just talk to them about how you feel. 

Also, don’t behave as if nothing happened, meanwhile, deep within you it hurts. Then, you go on to make up your mind that you will do the exact same thing the person did to you back to them- REVENGE. 

Trust me, you don’t want to get into that toxic cycle. You would only be hurting yourself. It is very important to TALK ABOUT IT. 

4. They are simply mannerless 

This set of people know exactly what they are doing and know that it is wrong. However, they simply don’t care whether it hurts you or not. Besides, you don’t pay their bills, so, why do they have to report to you? Lol. 

The first thing you should ask yourself is why you are even in a relationship or considering one with this kind of person. If you’ve talked about it once or maybe countless times, and you know it hurts you. You are sitting in a toxic situation/relationship. Leave. 

So, let’s talk about the solutions. 

The first is talking about it which I already mentioned. Second is leaving the relationship if it has become a repeated pattern which hurts you. 

Maybe someone is ghosting you right now and you are thinking- should I call him? Or should I just call her?

Yes, you can, if it is the person’s first time or the person is new to a committed relationship. Reason is, you can’t be so sure that they are actually ‘ghosting’ you. Maybe their phone is bad or something came up or maybe it isn’t even intentional. So, yes, you can check up on them. 

What you don’t want to do is calling someone who has turned ghosting into a repeated pattern. You will only be fueling their ego by always reaching out first. 

To those who ghost, I’m really not saying you have to be reporting all your movements to your partner. What I’m saying is if you’re gonna be away or busy, tell them about it, if you really care about them.  

To be honest, a simple text saying, “I will be very busy with work today or this week, but I still love you and that’s not changing, have a great day”, is gon’ go a long way. 

You just don’t leave people assuming. Remember, effort is attractive. 

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See you next time!❤️