Loneliness: A Recipe for Relationship Strains

Photo from Patryk Sobczack on Unsplash. 

Welcome to Limitless! 

I was watching a Q and A session with TrueTalkwithTED, and one of the questions they dealt with was on loneliness and completeness. Their answers made so much sense. 

I find that loneliness is one thing that we need to deal with before getting into a relationship. It might often not be the case, but getting into a relationship because you are lonely is a recipe for relationship strains.

I would rather get used to my own company and be content with my single season than impose my ‘loneliness’ on another human. 

I guess that’s why there’s a difference between aloneness and loneliness. 

I find that some people place so much of a high expectation on their partner in order to solve that loneliness. Then, they discover that it’s not working, and they start to think their partner is not giving their best. lol. You sure about that? 

You’ve just gotta be comfortable with your own company. Most times, people who have loneliness issues open a can of worm issues when they get into a relationship. 

Some of the issues include excessive clinginess, insecurity, and jealousy. 

1. Excessive Clinginess: They can’t be by themselves, so for the most part, they are seeking your company.  They want to be in your space 24/7, and talk to you every second of the day. To be honest, this might be a good thing for some people right? You want someone who would call you everyday, love your company, and alladat. Really dreamy stuff. Yeah, I know. However, I sincerely believe some people lead busy lives, so don’t expect them to be at your beck and call. Better still, ask what times are free for them and try to work around it. 

2. Insecurity: First, if you have a sense of completeness and you are comfortable with your aloneness, the fear of being left alone will be abysmal or even nonexistent. Then, at some point you might feel like you are not enough for your S/O; you feel this way because you are already noticing that they can’t fill that void of loneliness. So, that feeling is deeply rooted in your unresolved issues. 

3. Jealousy: You’d notice that you tend to flare up even when something as minor as your partner talking to the opposite sex plays out in front of you. You repeatedly feel unsettled when they are spending time with their friends or members of the opposite sex. This is one of the extreme repercussions of not being secure and comfortable with your company. 

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These effects are not exhaustive, and I’m not saying loneliness is the sole cause behind the issues. 

Unfortunately, I do not have all the answers, but there are studies that give a more robust elucidation of loneliness, and suggest coping mechanisms for it. One of such studies is the-effects-of-loneliness-and-how-it-impacts-our-relationships/. I hope it helps. 

I really hope we are able to deal with any deeply-seated loneliness issues that we might have, and give our partners the best of us. 

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I dozed a lot while writing this post. Been a busy weekend/week for me. I know I’m super late, and I apologize for depriving you of some Limitless. 

Thank you for reading. Till we meet again.