Friendship Love Languages

Welcome to Limitless! 

I firmly believe that as much as there are love languages in relationships, they also apply to friendships. 

I posted on my story some time ago about how I was going to start writing thoughtful notes about friends and family on their birthdays if I wanted to. I would be doing this regardless of the length of their birthday wish or whatever they posted on my own birthday. 

You see, I had come from a place of going to see how other people wished me a happy birthday or the energy they put in while wishing me to determine how I would wish them. And it started when I noticed that I would type really long messages about friends, and they would either trivialize the messages I send or give zero energy on my own birthday. 

I took down the story talking about the issue because it looked really petty. But really, I was just responding to unreciprocated affection, or let’s say ill-reciprocated affection. 

The thing now is, I have noticed that people love differently in friendships. If for example I have five close friends, I wouldn’t be able to compare how they love me because they might show their love differently. 

The first might be really vocal about her love for me, comment on all my posts, sends words of encouragement to me, writes a really sweet note for me on my landmarks, or/and compliments something about me. 

Meanwhile, the second might be one who sends me random money, sends me food, buys a gift for me, and always has something to give me. 

Third would hold my hand when we meet, would always hug me tightly, and would randomly put her hand on my shoulder when we are talking. 

Fourth would go out of her way to run errands for me, would think of me while making decisions if we are in the same gathering; something little as getting a bottle of water for me if she’s getting hers. She goes the extra mile to make sure I’m okay as long as it’s within her capacity, she does things that can be of help or assist me. 

The fifth is a really great listener. She would spend time listening to my gists and talking with me. She’s always there when I need someone to talk to. She would always make sure we meet or have a phone call just to catch up and talk. 

Here’s the thing. If my ‘fifth’ friend is a really great listener but the predominant way I receive love is words of affirmation, I wouldn’t have a beef with her or give her side eye if she doesn’t write an epistle for me. 

Why? 

Because she might not know how to show love that way. 

Often times, I’ve noticed that when it comes to unreciprocated affection in friendships, love is just not shown in the way I want to be loved. It’s not necessarily because they are not showing their love at all, at least in other ways. 

Of course, people who put zero energy into friendships are a whole different story but we would talk about unreciprocated love in friendships some other day. 

My point is, the fact that a friend didn’t show affection in a language that you love should not stop you from expressing your own love language to them. 

I really came to a place of understanding that I should love my friend and show love wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return. I should also not have so much of an expectation that it diminishes the way I express my friendship love language. Do you get it? 

If I am someone who wouldn’t think twice before writing things that come to mind about a person on their birthday, or getting a gift for them, I shouldn’t stop because those SAME things weren’t reciprocated. 

I really think if a friend is showing their love in one of those love languages even in the slightest bit, it should not go unappreciated. 

Okay. If you feel unloved, you feel like you aren’t loved in a way that you would like to be loved, it could be a good conversation to ask them how they like to receive love most, then you state how you like to receive yours too. This is to build a balance. I think friends should have honest conversations too. You might just have to compromise and adjust. 

If you find it too awkward or too much to have this conversation, I think you would just have to deal with the fact that regardless of how you like to receive love, they are still showing affection to you, and that matters a lot. It matters because they are putting effort in, it matters because they care. It matters that you can still call them a friend. 

Regardless, I believe there are some basic ways that a friend should show care. 

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I tried to choose my words really carefully because I know this is a real issue. Please let me know your thoughts on this. Thank you for reading. Till we meet again🤍.